


okay? okay

by gelos



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Drabble, Ficlet, First Kiss, Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 02:37:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21190178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gelos/pseuds/gelos
Summary: Bucky and Steve have been on the run for two months after the confrotation in Siberia, and Bucky once again questions why Steve is doing all of this for him.





	okay? okay

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing them!! I've been wanting to write them for a long time now, so this is me kinda getting the taste for it. Hope it's not to ooc. Pls forgive any and all mistakes, this wasn't beta'd. Comments and kudos are very much appreciated <3 hope you enjoy xx
> 
> edit 9th november: corrected a few mistakes I found!

"Remember when you told me you weren't worth all this trouble?" Steve asks with his head down. In his hands is a compass. Bucky's compass, to be more specific. They have been in the same safe house for two weeks now, somewhere in northern Poland, and Bucky thought it was time to go on the move again, so Steve started to pack the few things they own.

He has his back to Bucky, and feels him turn and move slowly towards him.

"To be honest, Steve, still think I'm not"- a pause - "Even more now that two months have passed and there's no resolution in sight."

Two months, Steve thinks. It really has been two months. Two months of running away and living under the radar. (Not something Steve hasn’t done before, but all of those times it was in the name of his country, with the government on his back. The present situation couldn't be more different.) Two months of Bucky, getting to know him a bit better. The new him, anyway. Two months of seeing him trying to keep it together, of dealing with trauma in the midst of being a wanted criminal for things he was obligated to do. Two months of seeing not only Bucky Barnes, but also the amazing asset and agent Hydra made him, giving him the tools they both need to survive this isolated for months (yeah, it's fucked up). Two months of holding Bucky when he cried, of hearing bits of his past he suddenly remembered, some including Steve, some not. Two months of having the pleasure to look at him first thing in the morning, and last thing at night. 

And Steve shouldn't be this selfish, really. Ross probably has a "shoot on sight" order regarding them at this moment, but he can't not appreciate those small moments, not when not long ago the idea of seeing his best friend again was an impossibility.

So, when Bucky says - thinks - he isn't worth it, Steve's feels a mixture of both rage and empathy in such intensity he needs to breathe slowly not to let it show.

"Well, can't you see it through my point of view? Wouldn't you do this for me, if the situation was reversed?" Steve finally answers.

"Not really, no. I kinda hate you, I'm just good at not letting it show.”

Bucky's sarcastic tone, so familiar to him, as well as the grin attached to it. Steve turns to him and smiles in response. It’s impossible not to.

"Idiot."

"Asshole."

Silence. Them still looking at each other with fond smiles.

"When you gave me this," Steve is still holding Bucky's compass, "I thought 'From now on this is my most prized possession'."

"It just a compass, Steve."

"Yeah...but it's _your_ compass." He puts the it away in his bags and looks up to see Bucky with a straight face, gazing him and taking a deep breath.

"Look, Steve -"

"Yeah?"

They're close now, so close. Steve can feel Bucky's warmth and smell him and his heart tightens a little bit.

"What you're doing for me, it's - Thank you."

"When I said 'I'm with you to the end of the line', I really did mean it."

"I did say it first though, all those years ago."

"Yeah, who's keeping track?"

Hearing this, Bucky smiles with his head down. A sweet little smile, different from all the others. One Steve was so used to see before, but now hits him like a truck.

"I love seeing you smile like that." Before he even has time to think about it, the words come out of his mouth without permission to do so.

"I love that you love that."

And that response just sort of startles Steve.

"You do?"

"Yeah, I do."

They are still so fucking close. It would be so easy for Steve to reach out, touch him. Just touch him. He misses touching Bucky so much. Back when they were kids, when they were truly alone, they would sometimes hold each other, cuddle. Just spent time even more closely than usual. And as they got older, the touches also grew bolder. By the time they were 17, they'd spend hours closed up in their bedroom getting to know each other in ways they hoped no other person would ever get the chance to. 

"Steve," Bucky asks, putting his hand on Steve's arm, "why are you really doing all of this? This is crazy. We're criminals, fugitives. We keep running away and there's no sight of this ending soon."

"You're my best friend..." Steve says and although it's true, the words feel wrong. 

"That not all of it, is it?" Bucky gets even closer

"What do you mean?"

"Steve, c'mon. I remember practically everything from back then now.”

Steve breathes in. The hand at his arm tightens. 

“I remember our hands always brushing for a second or two in public. I remember stolen kissed in alleys. Steve, I remember the first time you told me you loved me.”

“God, Bucky-”

“I remember how good it felt coming home to you everyday, how good it felt to stop pretending with you.” 

Steve tries to cover his face with his hands only for Bucky to stop him.

“Don’t do that. Just tell me.”

Bucky’s hands come to rest on Steve’s face. Steve has tears coming down his face. 

“God, Bucky. All this time... I’m still so fucking in love with you.” He is nearly sobbing. For so long, ever since finding out Bucky was alive, he hasn’t yet had the time to process all of it. Being this close to Bucky without being able to _be with him_ these two past months took a toll on him. He puts his arms around Bucky's waist, finally able to hold him just the right way.

Everything: The plane crash, surviving only to be so far away from home, joining the Avengers, saving the world a couple of times, fighting his friends, becoming a wanted criminal. All of it - it all culminated to this moment. Steve literally left it all behind for this one man. The one who truly understands and knows him. Nothing else really ever matters when the other option is Bucky. 

"I think I'm in love with you too..."

"You think?" Steve chuckles.

"Well, you know-" Bucky shrugs, "Between the brainwashing and hazy memories, I'm pretty sure."

Steve tries not to but he actually smiles to that comment. Before he notices it, Bucky leans in and gives him the sweetest of kisses, lingering a second or two. It reminds him the first time they ever kissed, back when they were 15. Once they draw back, nothing can describe the look they both have on their faces. 

"I know I'd love to stay like this for the rest of time, but we do really need to move, okay?" Bucky says, reluctantly stepping away. 

"Okay," Steve says, nodding his head a little. He knows there’s a lot to talk about. He knows Bucky can’t just drop that bomb like that and expect him to function fully normally again. But as he says 'Okay', he also realises everything will eventually be alright. It’s the two of them against everyone else, and time and time before they have proved that each other is all they need. 


End file.
